Apathy kicks in.  Spring fever takes over.  The sweet smell of summer…call it whatever, but know this: You gotta finish strong! Don’t start living in the days of summer before they actually arrive.  Keep pushing yourself until the last day of school to do what is right for you, your health and your future.  Here are five words for you to consider:

GPA – - Your grade point average is exactly that – an AVERAGE!  This means that every grade counts up until the very last one you make in every class this school year.  Slacking off in class in these last few weeks could cost you all the hard work you’ve put in for the past 32+ weeks.

PROM – - Prom can be whatever you make it to be.  Go ahead, ask her (him) to the big dance!  Have fun, get your look on and dance the night away.  But don’t forget, just because it’s a big night with big anticipation and big plans doesn’t mean anything goes.

FUTURE – - Your future is really up to you.  You get to decide what you do with your life.  And, your future is taking shape everyday with every decision you make.  Be careful how you decide what you do and who you do it with.  You never know when you are creating a memory…or a tragedy!

RIGHT – - Commit to do the right thing, even when the right thing isn’t popular.  Slow down, think about your choices and then move forward with confidence.  Doing more things faster is no substitute for doing the right thing.  Remember, it takes less time to do things right, than to explain why you did them wrong.

FRIENDS – - As I often say, your friends will determine the direction and the quality of your life.  Who you spend time with shapes who you become.  Take time to take an inventory of your relationships. Ask yourself, “Do my friends push me towards what is right, or pull towards what is wrong?”

These 5 words are important ones for you right now.  Take the time to think through them. Do what is necessary to make the appropriate changes to your life.  And remember, you will never regret doing what is right!

These are actual ads I found while surfing several online dating services. (No…I’m not looking for a date.) All guarantee fast and easy access to the perfect guy. If only it were so simple. And a lot of these sites seem to be more about sex than dating, with suggestive pictures and even more suggestive profiles.

Sure, dating and sex seem to be one in the same. But dating is about building relationships and learning to deal with guys. Yeah, sex will come up. But way before you get to sex, you have to figure out what a good relationship is. Dating takes a lot of responsibility—and a lot more time than any of those ads suggest.

Of course, you’d never know it if you took society’s word for it. A lot of reality TV shows make dating look like a game or a joke. Just watch them for a few hours, and you’ll take relationships about as seriously as you take Snooki. And speaking of Snooki, celebrities, whether in real life or on screen, do a lot to convince us that insanely attractive people run around having sex as soon as they meet someone, getting married after a month of dating, and getting divorced just as quickly. They definitely don’t seem to take relationships seriously.

It’s no wonder that when I talk to a lot of girls, I discover that even the most well-intentioned ones are still completely clueless about what dating should really be like.  The end result is many of them have taken a lot of wrong turns and made some big mistakes.  What about you?

If you’ve started dating, you might think this isn’t for you. Well, you’re wrong.  You may have a lot of dating experience, but it might not be good experience.  If you could design the perfect man for you to spend the rest of your life with, what would he be like?  Or, consider the guys you’ve gone on a date with or want to date.  Do these guys match up with your list?  If not, why are you dating or wanting to date them?  Read what Shelly wrote me recently about her take on many guys:

Dear Jeffrey,

Where have all the good guys gone? It seems like every time I get into a relationship with a guy, it never fails that eventually he starts pushing me to do things with him— you know, sexually.  Why can’t I just find a guy that accepts me and is willing to say no to the sex stuff?  That’s the kind of guy I want.  Do you think there are any left?

What Shelly was really saying in this letter is “I want a guy who’ll raise the bar. I want a guy who puts what is best first and wants and what I want before what he wants.” You may be thinking, “Jeffrey, if I have such high standards for the type of guy I’ll date, I’ll never go out with anyone.”  Well, it might not eliminate every guy in the world, but it will make your pool of datable guys a lot smaller. Just think about it, though: What if, rather than raising your dating bar, you choose to lower it? Yes, the number of datable guys has multiplied.  But now there are just more unworthy guys to choose from. Just more guys lining up to let you down because they don’t value what you do.

I know setting high expectations can make you feel like you’re missing out on something you have to have. But if you have to lower your bar to get a date, then you’re probably setting yourself up for a HUGE fall…soon!  I know this isn’t easy, especially when it seems that everything around you says you need to have a boyfriend, and if you don’t then something’s gotta be wrong with you. This might be the lie teen girls believe more than any other one.

The truth is, having a boyfriend who doesn’t meet your standards means there’s something wrong with you. Waiting patiently for the right guy makes you smart. It’s one of the hardest things to do when all the girls around you seem to be jumping from one cute boy to the next. But you’ll regret lowering your standards a lot more than you’ll regret missing out on some of the junk bad boyfriends get you into.

Take a look again at the list of characteristics you just made of what you hope your future husband will be like.  Make a pledge with yourself now to never compromise your list. One compromise will eventually lead to another. Remember, no guy is worth a compromise of your character, convictions, and desire to become the woman you know you can be.  Think about it… a lot!

your name isn’t for everyone - – Never give out your full name, address or number to anyone you don’t know and trust well.

friends aren’t always friends online - – If you don’t know the person in person, be careful what you say and how long you stay in communication online.

keep email private – - Keep your primary email address private and only for people you know and trust.  Block unwanted users.

ego surf – - Put your first name and last name in quotes in a search engine and see if there are any results regarding you. You just might be surprised at what you find.

it’s okay to ignore – - If you are in a chat room using IM, always check out what options/preferences are available to you and take advantage of the “block all users except those on my buddy list”.  If anyone bothers you or says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, put them on block or ignore!

it’s your $$$…guard it! – - Never give bank account or credit card info to anyone unless you are shopping with a well known or highly rated online business. Check for secure transaction info. The best companies will have many security devices in place. You may see a gold lock at the bottom of the page to indicate a secure site. When giving any bank details or other information, make sure the connection is secure.  Not every site which runs HTTPS or accepts payments is trustworthy.

just because they ask, doesn’t mean you tell - – Countless web sites ask you to give them your full name, date of birth, address, phone number, email address, etc. Give as little info as possible.  If they insist, leave the site. There are many survey sites that pay you for answering questions and filling out forms. If you do not want to receive junk mail or get put on a telemarketer list, look for a small box near the bottom of the page that asks if you want to receive information and offers from other companies. The best sites will have a statement listed that they will not sell your name to other companies.

change your password - – Don’t use the same password for all of your online accounts.  Make your password something original.  Mix it up and change it often. Make sure to write down your password every time you change it. If you think someone might know your password, change it immediately!  Changing your password constantly makes it difficult for people to hack into your accounts.

Have you received digital drama?  If you’ve spent any amount of time on your cell phone…duh right, then you probably have been the recipient (or know someone who has) of some form or another of drama, aka, abuse or harassment.  A recent MTV poll found that 56 percent of teens 14+ have received some form of digital abuse, like harassing someone via text, posting mean comments online or sending photos or videos of someone without their permission.

I know about a girl in CA who had her life turned upside down when someone she new hacked into her Facebook profile.  Private photos of herself were uploaded and her status was changed using really vulgar language.  Her password was also changed and it took her several days to get back control of her Facebook. Obviously, she was humiliated.  This isn’t the only kind of drama going on in the digital world.  33 percent of of teens say they have received sexually aggressive texts, emails and posts. If you have received a similar kind of abuse, you can do something about it.  By doing nothing, you are telling the person who did this to you that it is okay to treat you this way.  It’s not!  And, you can take control.  You just have to be smart about how you play it.  Here are a few tips:

1. One of the best ways to defuse digital drama is to ignore the person sending it.  You can respond the right way and protect yourself without communicating with the person sending the message(s).

2. Tell your parents and/or report the incident to someone at your school or to local authorities. It doesn’t make you insecure or weak to get help.  It’s smart and can keep you safe from a situation that could turn dangerous fast.

3. Change the password on all of your devices and Facebook consistently. Never give your password to anyone other than your parents or a trusted adult.

4. Block any number on your cell phone from anyone who sends you a threatening or harassing text.

5. Save and print emails or texts.  Take screen shots of posts on your Facebook.  This will provide proof of the incident(s).

You can’t control what others do.  But you can be smart when others threaten, bully, or harass you.  If this happens to you, know you are not alone.  Get help and get on with your life!

If you are like me, then you probably enjoy taking a few moments at the beginning of the new year to reflect on what has been and contemplate on what will be.  I hope you will do exactly this right now.  I’ve written a few questions for you to think about as 2012 takes off.  It will only take you about 5 minutes to really think through these.  Can you do that?

Why not silence all your devices, grab you a cup of your favo beverage, and take about 5 minutes to answer these questions as you kick start 2012!

1. What was really great about 2011 and what can I do to duplicate that in 2012?

2. What mistakes did I make last year that I need to own up to and take ownership in?

3. What do I need to do to make sure I do not repeat these same mistakes this year?

4. How can I be a better daughter/son?

5. How can I be a better friend?

6. How can I be a better student?

7. What do I hope to accomplish this year that I didn’t last year?

8. What is the one thing I desire to change about me for the better this year?  What steps do I need to take to make this a reality?

9. What do I hope people learn from my influence in 2012?

10. At the end of 2012, what do I want to be able to say that I accomplished with these 365 days?

I hope you will take the time to answer these questions.  Print them.  Write your answers in your journal or online diary.  Put your answers in a safe place and re-visit them throughout the year.  By the end of 2012, you just might be surprised with how the year went and how you continued growing into the person you know you desire to be!

Eating and throwing-up became routine for her throughout her senior year of high school.  By the time her freshman year of college began, Rebecca was a skeleton of the young woman she was just twelve months previous.  Rebecca’s family and friends repeatedly talked to her about stopping.  But their words fell on deaf ears. Rebecca had become so concerned about her weight, that she was blind to the fact that her addiction to be thin was killing her.  She died of a failed kidney just a few months into her sophomore year of college.

CRITICAL NEWS!

• Research suggests that 1 out of every 100 young women have an eating disorder.
• Without treatment, 20% of women with eating disorders die!
• In the US, conservative estimates indicate that 5-10 million girls are struggling with eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or borderline conditions.
• Approximately 90-95% of anorexia sufferers are girls and women.
• Anorexia nervosa is one of the most common psychiatric diagnoses in young women.
• Bulimia affects 1-3% of middle and high school girls and 1-4% of college age women.  (National Eating Disorders Association)

Anorexia, binging, overeating, bulimia – countless girls struggle with these dangerous addictions.  Chances are you, or somebody you know has at least thought about it.  If you know someone who needs help, staying silent doesn’t make you a good friend.  Be the friend that gets a friend the help she needs!

Have you ever been labeled – different?  Odd?  Weird? A freak?  If you have, then you know this kind of pain that often cuts to the very core of who you are.  Prejudice and hate comes in all shapes and sizes.  Making fun of people because of the way the talk or look; bullying another because of his/her size or unique features; spreading negativity because of a religious belief or the color of one’s skin.

You probably see examples of subtle prejudices every day. Beautiful and successful people are plastered across the covers of magazines, featured in commercials, and idolized in music videos. There is often an unspoken social class system in our culture in which we play the rating game to determine a person’s value based on how they measure up. There is also the spoken one, sometimes even by a friend, who says something such as “you’re having a bad hair day,” or “it looks like you’ve put on a few pounds.”

I’m realizing more and more in my own life the power of words.  And, I’m trying to be more intentional about using words that lift others up rather than tear them down.  This isn’t easy, particularly when someone says something to me that I don’t like or disagree with.  Lets face it, when another speaks words that are hurtful or condescending, typically the initial (and feel good) reaction is one of retaliation, isn’t it?

Being the one in the conversation who chooses to stop the labeling, criticizing, judging and condemning isn’t an art easily mastered overnight. But, I am learning that the more I do it, the better I get at it. And, the better I feel about me, no matter what others say about me.

The next time you are a recipient of a negative or hateful comment, try this:

- Follow-up the negative with the positive.  Say something encouraging and uplifting about the person making the comment.
- If a friend makes a negative comment to you about another person, defend that person by saying someone positive about him/her.
- Ignore the comment or act like it didn’t faze you.
- Tell the person who made the comment that you disagree or that you are choosing to see the better in others rather than the bad in others.
- Walk away.

You can’t control the actions of others.  You can control how you respond to the actions of others.  Work at taking the high road.  It may not be the most popular one traveled.  But, choosing to travel it will be a trip worth taking!

Know this about the message culture sends guys: Everywhere a guy looks, people are telling him to act like a jerk. A lot of times guys are disrespectful because they think that’s how they’re supposed to act. They don’t want to seem like a sissy. They want to be a “man.” This doesn’t excuse it, of course, but it explains it a little. Just keep this in mind when some guy is being a real jerk to you. You shouldn’t put up with it. But you should also try to help him know that he doesn’t have to act that way to be a real man. Watch how your guy treats the people around him—his parents, his friends, other people at your school—and you’ll get a pretty good idea of what kind of guy he is.

Consider these questions:

Do you ever feel mistreated by a guy?

Does he ever make you feel dumb after you’ve said something?

Do you often say nothing because you’re afraid of being corrected?

Has he ever abused you verbally or physically?

Does he belittle or make fun of you for going to church or being spiritual?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then you’re probably in a relationship where you’re not respected. And if you try to come up with a lot of reasons why the guy shouldn’t be blamed for being disrespectful to you—“He didn’t mean it.” “He said he wouldn’t do it again.” “I deserved what he did to me”—then you have a bigger problem: You’re not respecting yourself. Any guy that dates you should realize it’s a privilege to date you. And he should treat you like he knows it. Remember, you’re a person of value to and you should only spend time with people who see you that way. Too many girls start to believe they don’t deserve to be treated well—but that’s never true. A guy should accept you for you and not for who he desires you be!

Lastly, if you are dating, what kind of guy are you dating?  If your answer isn’t “the kind I want to marry” then…why are you dating him?

1.Cool Off - – Sometimes you just need to take a break.  Step away, gather your thoughts and allow both parties to think it through.  It’s better to take a “cooling off” moment rather than say (or do) something that you might later regret.

2. Man (or  Wo-man) Up – - When a relationship sours, it most likely won’t repair itself.  Someone will need to step-up and take the initiative to make things better.  This may require you to be the one to initiate the reconciliation, even if you don’t think you are at fault.  This isn’t a “finger pointing, hair tossing, eye-rolling” moment.  Be calm, look the person in the eye, keep your voice relaxed, be sincere and talk it out.

3. Apologize – - If you need to apologize, do it!  Don’t make excuses.  Sometimes the two most powerful words in any relationship can be, “I’m sorry.”

4. Hate and Hurt Can Be Contagious – -  When someone mistreats you, it can be easy to then turn to another and mistreat that person by venting your hurt and frustration.  Don’t take out your hurt on another.  Find a friend, counselor, parent, or teacher and talk about how you feel.  The counsel of a third party can be helpful in moments where you just can’t seem to think it all through on your own.

5. Shrink The Drama – - If you are the one drug into the drama of others, try and stay neutral.  If a friend tries to pull you into a conflict, make it clear that you will not take sides.  Often drama shrivels up an dies when people keep their conflicts one-on-one.

Lastly, keep yourself in check.  It’s easy to talk about and find the fault in others, especially if you think this will help maintain your popularity.  But a negative word about another will almost always come back to bite you.  If a better world is what you want (and, hopefully you do), then a better world starts with a better you!