the wise way

Last month I blogged about digital drama.  If you haven’t read that blog yet, scroll down and check it out after reading this.  I want to talk more surfing safely in this blog.  If you have spent time online, duh right, then you have probably found yourself a time or two…or three, in a precarious situation such as being harassed or stalked, receiving inappropriate images or emails from someone you don’t know, cyber bullying, or maybe even a request from someone you barely know to meet you in person.   Here are some simple tips to remind you that you must be wise and be safe online.

your name isn’t for everyone - – Never give out your full name, address or number to anyone you don’t know and trust well.

friends aren’t always friends online - – If you don’t know the person in person, be careful what you say and how long you stay in communication online.

keep email private – - Keep your primary email address private and only for people you know and trust.  Block unwanted users.

ego surf – - Put your first name and last name in quotes in a search engine and see if there are any results regarding you. You just might be surprised at what you find.

it’s okay to ignore – - If you are in a chat room using IM, always check out what options/preferences are available to you and take advantage of the “block all users except those on my buddy list”.  If anyone bothers you or says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, put them on block or ignore!

it’s your $$$…guard it! – - Never give bank account or credit card info to anyone unless you are shopping with a well known or highly rated online business. Check for secure transaction info. The best companies will have many security devices in place. You may see a gold lock at the bottom of the page to indicate a secure site. When giving any bank details or other information, make sure the connection is secure.  Not every site which runs HTTPS or accepts payments is trustworthy.

just because they ask, doesn’t mean you tell - – Countless web sites ask you to give them your full name, date of birth, address, phone number, email address, etc. Give as little info as possible.  If they insist, leave the site. There are many survey sites that pay you for answering questions and filling out forms. If you do not want to receive junk mail or get put on a telemarketer list, look for a small box near the bottom of the page that asks if you want to receive information and offers from other companies. The best sites will have a statement listed that they will not sell your name to other companies.

change your password - – Don’t use the same password for all of your online accounts.  Make your password something original.  Mix it up and change it often. Make sure to write down your password every time you change it. If you think someone might know your password, change it immediately!  Changing your password constantly makes it difficult for people to hack into your accounts.

Have you received digital drama?  If you’ve spent any amount of time on your cell phone…duh right, then you probably have been the recipient (or know someone who has) of some form or another of drama, aka, abuse or harassment.  A recent MTV poll found that 56 percent of teens 14+ have received some form of digital abuse, like harassing someone via text, posting mean comments online or sending photos or videos of someone without their permission.

I know about a girl in CA who had her life turned upside down when someone she new hacked into her Facebook profile.  Private photos of herself were uploaded and her status was changed using really vulgar language.  Her password was also changed and it took her several days to get back control of her Facebook. Obviously, she was humiliated.  This isn’t the only kind of drama going on in the digital world.  33 percent of of teens say they have received sexually aggressive texts, emails and posts. If you have received a similar kind of abuse, you can do something about it.  By doing nothing, you are telling the person who did this to you that it is okay to treat you this way.  It’s not!  And, you can take control.  You just have to be smart about how you play it.  Here are a few tips:

1. One of the best ways to defuse digital drama is to ignore the person sending it.  You can respond the right way and protect yourself without communicating with the person sending the message(s).

2. Tell your parents and/or report the incident to someone at your school or to local authorities. It doesn’t make you insecure or weak to get help.  It’s smart and can keep you safe from a situation that could turn dangerous fast.

3. Change the password on all of your devices and Facebook consistently. Never give your password to anyone other than your parents or a trusted adult.

4. Block any number on your cell phone from anyone who sends you a threatening or harassing text.

5. Save and print emails or texts.  Take screen shots of posts on your Facebook.  This will provide proof of the incident(s).

You can’t control what others do.  But you can be smart when others threaten, bully, or harass you.  If this happens to you, know you are not alone.  Get help and get on with your life!

Can you believe 2012 is here?  So, how was 2011 for you?  Good?  Not so good?  Do you wish it could have been better? The great thing, among many, about the beginning of a new year is that the slate is wiped clean.  With the new year, come new challenges.  And, with the new year, come new opportunities.

If you are like me, then you probably enjoy taking a few moments at the beginning of the new year to reflect on what has been and contemplate on what will be.  I hope you will do exactly this right now.  I’ve written a few questions for you to think about as 2012 takes off.  It will only take you about 5 minutes to really think through these.  Can you do that?

Why not silence all your devices, grab you a cup of your favo beverage, and take about 5 minutes to answer these questions as you kick start 2012!

1. What was really great about 2011 and what can I do to duplicate that in 2012?

2. What mistakes did I make last year that I need to own up to and take ownership in?

3. What do I need to do to make sure I do not repeat these same mistakes this year?

4. How can I be a better daughter/son?

5. How can I be a better friend?

6. How can I be a better student?

7. What do I hope to accomplish this year that I didn’t last year?

8. What is the one thing I desire to change about me for the better this year?  What steps do I need to take to make this a reality?

9. What do I hope people learn from my influence in 2012?

10. At the end of 2012, what do I want to be able to say that I accomplished with these 365 days?

I hope you will take the time to answer these questions.  Print them.  Write your answers in your journal or online diary.  Put your answers in a safe place and re-visit them throughout the year.  By the end of 2012, you just might be surprised with how the year went and how you continued growing into the person you know you desire to be!

Rebecca was a beautiful girl.  Blonde hair; popular; from a wealthy family – from the outside looking in you would have never known that tragedy was awaiting her.  The first time she made herself throw-up was several weeks before her junior prom.  “It was disgusting for me to think about making myself vomit,” she said.  “But I convinced myself that the results I saw in the mirror would be worth it.”  Rebecca read about it online and thought it would be the perfect way to shed a few pounds.  A few days later and a few less pounds, Rebecca was convinced she had found the perfect way to diet.  She also was convinced she had the whole thing under control.  She was wrong.

Eating and throwing-up became routine for her throughout her senior year of high school.  By the time her freshman year of college began, Rebecca was a skeleton of the young woman she was just twelve months previous.  Rebecca’s family and friends repeatedly talked to her about stopping.  But their words fell on deaf ears. Rebecca had become so concerned about her weight, that she was blind to the fact that her addiction to be thin was killing her.  She died of a failed kidney just a few months into her sophomore year of college.

CRITICAL NEWS!

• Research suggests that 1 out of every 100 young women have an eating disorder.
• Without treatment, 20% of women with eating disorders die!
• In the US, conservative estimates indicate that 5-10 million girls are struggling with eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or borderline conditions.
• Approximately 90-95% of anorexia sufferers are girls and women.
• Anorexia nervosa is one of the most common psychiatric diagnoses in young women.
• Bulimia affects 1-3% of middle and high school girls and 1-4% of college age women.  (National Eating Disorders Association)

Anorexia, binging, overeating, bulimia – countless girls struggle with these dangerous addictions.  Chances are you, or somebody you know has at least thought about it.  If you know someone who needs help, staying silent doesn’t make you a good friend.  Be the friend that gets a friend the help she needs!

A friend recently shared with me how he still remembers being labeled “fat” while in middle school.  As he told me stories of mean kids saying mean things to him, I could see the hurt on his face, even after all of these years, as he vividly described to me their words, actions and even their names.

Have you ever been labeled – different?  Odd?  Weird? A freak?  If you have, then you know this kind of pain that often cuts to the very core of who you are.  Prejudice and hate comes in all shapes and sizes.  Making fun of people because of the way the talk or look; bullying another because of his/her size or unique features; spreading negativity because of a religious belief or the color of one’s skin.

You probably see examples of subtle prejudices every day. Beautiful and successful people are plastered across the covers of magazines, featured in commercials, and idolized in music videos. There is often an unspoken social class system in our culture in which we play the rating game to determine a person’s value based on how they measure up. There is also the spoken one, sometimes even by a friend, who says something such as “you’re having a bad hair day,” or “it looks like you’ve put on a few pounds.”

I’m realizing more and more in my own life the power of words.  And, I’m trying to be more intentional about using words that lift others up rather than tear them down.  This isn’t easy, particularly when someone says something to me that I don’t like or disagree with.  Lets face it, when another speaks words that are hurtful or condescending, typically the initial (and feel good) reaction is one of retaliation, isn’t it?

Being the one in the conversation who chooses to stop the labeling, criticizing, judging and condemning isn’t an art easily mastered overnight. But, I am learning that the more I do it, the better I get at it. And, the better I feel about me, no matter what others say about me.

The next time you are a recipient of a negative or hateful comment, try this:

- Follow-up the negative with the positive.  Say something encouraging and uplifting about the person making the comment.
- If a friend makes a negative comment to you about another person, defend that person by saying someone positive about him/her.
- Ignore the comment or act like it didn’t faze you.
- Tell the person who made the comment that you disagree or that you are choosing to see the better in others rather than the bad in others.
- Walk away.

You can’t control the actions of others.  You can control how you respond to the actions of others.  Work at taking the high road.  It may not be the most popular one traveled.  But, choosing to travel it will be a trip worth taking!

Summer time is almost here!  No school.  Sleeping in late.  A little  pool time.  Did I say “no school?”  Summer time can be a blast.  But with all the free time you’re about to have, it is important that you have a game plan in place to help you navigate through the next few months of fun in the sun.  Here are a few things to remember:

1. Turn off the TV.  The last thing you need to be doing is sitting in front of the TV all week watching re-runs of Oprah (yes, her last day of prime time TV is tomorrow) or checking out who’s-beating-up-who on The Jerry Springer show.  Get outside, go swimming, throw a party, or master the art of making a little cash with a summer job.  The point is to get busy making sure you don’t waste it all away on the sofa.

2. Summer is about a lot more than just doing nothing.  Set some personal goals for yourself while on break like:

- Reading a few really good books (that you’re not required to write an essay about.)

- Rocking on your music (just in case one day your American Idol moment finally happens).

- Cooking mom and dad’s favo meal and surprise them with dinner!  (This might earn you a little extra brownie points on one of those nights you miss curfew.)

- Go see your grandma!

3. Spend a little time with your younger brother or sister.  I know – this doesn’t seem to necessarily be the coolest way to spend your summer break.  But, your sibling(s) is watching you.  He/she looks up to you and wants to be like you, even if he/she never says it or shows it.  Make sure you are using your influence to encourage healthy choices for your sibling(s).

4. Get crazy on your bike.  Go to the gym.  Swim some laps.  A little exercise will help you keep those abs looking toned and rocking when fall comes around.

5. Make a wager with your friends as to whether or not Trump will run for President.

6. Check out my summer speaking schedule at www.Jeffreydean.com.  Pack a bag, go to one of my camps, hang out with other teens, hear some great bands and listen to me speak each night!

7. Tell your parents you want a family vacation this summer.  Once they stand up from hitting the ground from shock, pull out the GPS App and start planning a family get-away.  Before you know it, life at home will be no more for you.  Take time to enjoy your family (and dad paying for all the vacation thrills) before you are out of the house and out on your own.  I guarantee you…your future memories will thank you.

8. Make a promise to you: “No more Justin B!”

9. Say “No” to anything that could harm you or your future!

10. Have fun and enjoy every moment before the school bell rings again.

May 2-6, 2011 I will be back in Wise County, TX speaking at many schools.  Can’t wait to be there again and see many of you!